It's a new world. With Social Distancing and Facemasks and Zoom and everything else.

I was laid off due to the pandemic and budgets and I know something like 80% of the world is dealing with the same thing.

It’s all up(stairs) from here, I hope.

I am striving to feel camaraderie with my fellow job searchers and with the world and sometimes it is so easy and my heart feels full with empathy and other times I just feel….

Well, sometimes just get to have feelings without opening that up to the world and the community and the zeitgeist and just feel for myself.

And that’s ok. It’s not selfish to have feelings about your personal situation and not compare it to anything except what you’ve experienced and felt before - sometimes you just gotta do you, right?

There is so much more to think about now, so much more uncertainty and I have to admit, I surprised myself when I realized that while I am a little apprehensive about immediate day-to-day things, like if my unemployment application went through properly, and hoping that it did so I can pay for healthcare and rent and all the things that still need to be funded…and I realized that I am invigorated by the possibilities brought about by change.

I didn’t even have to make that thought happen -

I didn’t have to coax myself into believing it, the thought just popped up:

“Change just happened, I am in a new phase of the life I am living and I think I am going to like it.”

Don’t get me wrong, I have experienced and enjoyed change before, and the possibilities offered by change motivate me to act, of course.

But this seems bigger, and is really interesting to feel how it is affecting my perceptions and actions and thoughts and experiences.

So many wonderful people have reached out, and have responded to my having contacted them.

I am so grateful - the possibilities for “what happens next?” don’t feel like they’re limited to “waiting for something I can’t control” anymore.

I am not waiting for something to happen to me - I am acting on change and it feels like I am making things happen.

I’m stretching, I’m reaching, and while I am still not quite strong enough to open up and look to see the wonderful things are within my grasp, I know I will get there soon.

And I hope you all will be there with me, cheering me on and knowing I am here to cheer you on, too.